I heard this line in a TV show and it struck me as being such a part of my life that I just had to sit down and share.

“I hate it here! I wish we were back in Colorado!” is what I heard for the seven years we lived in a lovely town in middle Tennessee. This is after my mother begged us for years to move from Colorado as she wanted a new start and heaven forbid that she and my father would move to another state without us. So, being the dutiful only child that I am, I packed up my family and we moved across the country. I cannot even begin to describe the trials and tribulations that were associated with that move, just suffice it to say that moving two families with two small children and dog across country to new homes in a new city in a new state was mind-boggling!

My father passed away and my mother moved again, thanks to me, that is. I took over all of the finances, planned the funeral, sold her house, packed up her belongings and sold the items she no longer needed or had room for, cleaned her cat box, bought her groceries, took her to her doctor’s appointments, planted and watered her garden and prepared most of her meals, while she sat and complained about how much she hates her new home and how I don’t do enough for her. During all of this, I am still a wife and mother to two small children. I am a substitute teacher, a cake decorator, a scout leader and a babysitter (not just to my mother, but to children as well). I have weathered flooded basements, tornadoes, kitchen fires, and ruined holidays, while attempting to make my mother happy and hoping that one of these days, she will actually “be there” for me.

We are packing again, as I can no longer stand the daily liturgy of how much she hates it in Tennessee, despite the fact that my family and I love it there. What is the definition of crazy? Oh yeah, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So, where are we headed this time? Arizona, because my mother will be happy being back in the southwest, which is her passion, but not mine. At least, I have convinced her to move to a retirement community!

“I hate it here! Why did we ever leave Tennessee?” is the newest daily comment. She calls me at least 10 times a day, only to tell me how much she hates it here and how she doesn’t see me enough. I turned down a well-paying, full time job because I would not be available enough for her and I resume my substitute teaching (which I do actually love) and go to visit her when I don’t have a teaching job. At least she is no longer able to drive to my house and honk her horn and expect me to come running as she did in Tennessee! Our third Christmas in Arizona, my son, who is seventeen at the time, asks me the profound question, “Do you think that we will ever have a happy Christmas before I move out of the house?” What a heart breaker! It is time to give up my craziness and stop worrying about what makes my mother happy. How many more years am I going to do this my family?

My husband had the opportunity to accept a job in Colorado. That is where I wanted to be (and, of course, where she wanted to go back to), so I jumped at the opportunity! Of course this means that I have to do the double packing and moving again, but I want to be back in Colorado, so was willing to do it all again. The children were consulted being as my daughter would be starting high school and my son would be in his last year of high school.  They agreed, so the process began again. Amidst the house hunting and school hunting, my husband breaks his neck and just so we can put things in perspective here, I call my mom to tell her that our return to Arizona will be delayed as my husband has fallen and broken his neck and is in intensive care while his situation is evaluated. Someone is “there for you”, would offer their expressions of sympathy and concern, as EVERYONE else in my did, but my mother yelled, screamed and cried about how stupid he was for letting that happen and how dare I be gone from her another week! Shall we talk again about how crazy I am for continuing to put up with this? My husband’s neck injury turned out to be non-life threatening and non-surgical (thank God), so the kids and I returned to Arizona for them to finish out the school year while my husband stayed with his daughter in Colorado for his convalescence.

And so, the packing and planning began again. It took multiple moves to get everything coordinated and accomplished. My husband and I found a house online, being as our house hunting got cut short due to his injury, he closed on it and we moved in. In the meantime, I found a nice retirement community for my mom and got the furniture arranged; the clothes put away, the pictures hung and the myriad of other things finished before I moved her. This is, of course, while trying to do the same things at my own house, get my children enrolled in school, and a million other things. I finally drove back to Arizona, to pick her up, put the rest of her stuff in my mini-van, return the rental furniture she has been using for the last month and head back to Colorado. Shall I tell you the stories about what a “fun” trip it was? You probably have a good idea of that by now, so I will just continue without those “amusing antidotes”!

“I hate it here, why did we ever leave Arizona?”

The latest move and her subsequent unhappiness was the final straw. I have finally learned to set my boundaries, the needs of my family come first and there will be no more moves and holidays planned around trying to make my mother happy. There are some people that will never be there for you, no matter how much you want it and I simply have to accept that and move on (not physically, however).